Beyond Habit Stacking: Finding Inner Peace with The Four Agreements

It’s been a while since I have started reading fully. I had a lot of dynamic changes happening in my life, and I couldn’t exactly find time to sit down and read peacefully. So, what did I do? I took a Blinkist subscription. Whenever I had time, I’d randomly choose a book and read it’s summary. That’s how I came across The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

It’s a self-help…but it’s different.

I have had a strong bias against self-help books for a while. I once read them daily, and then somehow, I realised that most books in this genre are just repetitions of the same things. However, just like anything in life, there are exceptions here too. Atomic Habits is one example, and this book is another. 

For a while, books like Atomic Habits emphasised external strategies like habit-stacking and reward hacking. However, this book was the first one that focused on my inner self. It’s about tackling the fundamental beliefs you’ve made with yourself. What are these beliefs? Well, let’s take a look at them.

The Four Agreements 

Your External world is a reflection of how you deal with yourself.

This truth has existed throughout millennia through different media and cultures, including scriptures like The Bible and Dhammapada (Buddhism). The Four Agreements also follow the same cardinal rule. The book primarily suggests four agreements that one makes with themselves. 

While these agreements profoundly impact how we interact with the world and others, the initial commitment and the ongoing practice are internal. 

So… What are these agreements?

Well, here is a summary:

• The First Agreement — Be impeccable with your word:
  Our words hold a very dangerous power. It is the most powerful tool available to humans, and it can cause as much destruction as the good it can bring. Words are pure magic that can influence our minds even though the influence can’t be noticed. So, always use them carefully in the direction of truth and love.
• The Second Agreement — Don’t take anything personally:
  In the digital world, the one thing we lack today is the opinions of others. We almost always get inputs on things we do. The problem starts when we take things personally. We must understand that none of these opinions look at the whole picture. Nothing others do is because of you. Everyone has their belief system, and we impose our beliefs onto others and vice versa when we take things personally. So, try to understand, accept and move on without injecting yourself with this emotional poison. 
• The Third Agreement — Don’t make assumptions:
  As humans, we are programmed to almost always make assumptions. And more accurately, we evolved to think and make the worst assumptions possible. Our ancestors who lived in the jungle needed that assumption to save themselves. But unfortunately, as evolution is slow, we are still stuck with the same engine. Luckily, we can easily tackle this “drama-causing” problem by asking questions. Once we get an answer, we do not need to assume. We’d already have gotten our answers. So, the next time we start making assumptions, let’s step back and ask a question. 
• The Fourth Assumption — Keep doing our best
  Well, this one’s the cardinal rule. And it also needs no explanation. Every progress you see in your life stems from this agreement with yourself. 
  Want to get good grades? Keep doing your best. 
  Want to get good at Elden ring boss fights? Keep doing your best. 
  Want to go on a date? Keep doing your best. (to make yourself attractive)
  You might not get the best results by doing your best, but you’ll never get them if you don’t. So, make this deal with yourself, and start working.

Of course, these are hard. Very hard. But all that matters is that you do your best, and the rest is a matter of time. 

The contrasting philosophies

I often felt that this book was at odds with the machiavellian books like The Laws of Human Nature and 48 Laws of Power. One seeks harmony through personal integrity, while the other explores power mechanics, often highlighting the strategic advantage of less-than-harmonious tactics. 

At my age, though like it was giving me something valuable, I often find myself looking to the other side for suggestions. Well, they seem rational and logical too. But that might not be the same for you, and this should be read at least once in a lifetime. With that, I'm closing off this discussion. What about you? What do you think of these four agreements? Comment down below!

I hope you’ve found some value in this article. I’m looking forward to discussing different books in the future. So, if you like this, let's connect and discuss stories and books!

Thanks for reading till the end! Have a nice day. 👋